The things we do for men – Toke talks about how her ex- husband made her bleach her skin to keep him

​- Sextape, bleaching to please him, Toke talks about her relationship with Maje in her  book

Toke Makinwa’s soon to be released book – On Becoming – in which she shared her incredible survival story. Here are some excerpts.
The Wedding

“It was my wedding day. I was happy, yet I was waiting for something to happen. Maje had disappointed me three times before. We would pick a date to go to the wedding registry and he would call it off. It wasn’t until we shared our first dance that I finally believed that it had happened. 

We got back together (after a quarrel because Maje took ‘an ex’ to a party he bluntly told Toke he wasn’t taking her to and he and the ex were ‘touching freely and kissing’)… Maje invited me to Abuja…. As I was putting away my things I saw all kinds of feminine items – earrings on the dresser, sanitary pads in the drawer….”

The Compromizing Video and Bleaching

“At some point while we were dating, Maje had asked if he could tape us having sex. This was a new one for me but I would do anything to keep my man, or so I thought, and so I obliged. But I was nervous afterwards because I didn’t want the tape to get into the wrong hands.

I dragged the file back to his desktop, and I could tell from the stilled image in the video that the person in it was not me. I clicked play and watched horrified as Maje had sex with Anita. Watching that video, all of the inadequacies I thought I had dealt with over the years came rushing back.

I had been with Maje from when I was an immature teenager, through my twenties, and for most of those years, Anita had been the standard I had to live up to. I had lightened my skin at some point – Anita was half Lebanese and half Ibibio, and Maje made me feel like he preferred her lighter skin.”

Another child

“There was a 70-day fasting and prayer programme at my church. I joined in: I was praying for Maje and I. On the final day, I asked God to reveal why Maje and I couldn’t find peace with each other. I opened my email address and typed Maje’s email address in. I went through email after email until I found pictures of a boy that looked exactly like Maje….”

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